What led me to this point does not matter when sharing my story. I know what happened.
But the matter of the fact is that something did happen that brought me to tell this story. This testimony. There’s always a test in order to create a testimony. November 2nd was a Saturday. I made an appointment with my therapist for that Tuesday. I knew I was struggling worse than usual lately. I recognized the signs. Tuesday came and I walked in to my appointment. An hour appointment became 2 hours, and two hours became 3, and suddenly I was in an ambulance headed for the hospital. Today is Monday and I am home from the hospital. I spent a week in the psychiatric unit of a hospital. This is why I talk about these types of subjects. I spent a week in the psychiatric unit of a hospital and it was one of the most normal, safe, and comforting places I’ve ever been. The group in my hall consisted of 7-8 people of the week I was there. A chunk that consisted of people in my age group, the rest ranging various adult ages. Let me say this right now: not a single one of those people were “crazy”! I made friends with all of them almost instantly. The intelligence everyone had in our group, how raw and real our discussions were-it still blows my mind! I related to every person in my group, because we were all dealing with the same things. We’re all just average people struggling with anxiety, depression, addiction, guilt, self-awareness, stress, loving ourselves, and yes, suicidal thought and/or actions. The group consisted of students, moms, dads, spouses, teachers, etc. Mental illness does not discriminate! Because that’s real life. This stuff happens, it’s real. And it’s something much more people deal with every day than we all realize. Now that that’s out of the way. Let me continue with my story. I did not attempt to take my life. However, the thoughts were there. Did I WANT to take my life? Not at all. But the thoughts were there. Do I realize how extremely blessed I am and know that God is in control and I do not have to feel this way because He’s an awesome God? 100% yes! But the thoughts were still there. And that’s exactly why I went to the hospital. Because I recognized what was happening and I know better now. I know I don’t have to feel this way, and that I shouldn’t feel this way. I am human and I had a weak period of time. But in my weakness, God gave me the strength and courage to seek help, like I have never done before. It was terrifying. And hard. And painful. But worth it! And the day before I left, Sunday, I woke up that morning early with a dream God blessed me with: In the dream I was at a church event, it seemed like a conference of sorts. I was in a hallway outside the meeting and my Grandpap Calabrese walked into the hall. I called out “Pap!” And he looked at me and smiled and said “Happy Birthday!” I replied, “Pap, my birthday is in May...and my spiritual birthday is in April. It’s not my birthday.” But he looked at me, insisting, and repeated “Happy Birthday!” Then I hugged him and he walked away. That was the end of the dream. I woke up with the song “Born again” by Third Day stuck in my head. I soon realized that God was giving me a clean slate. He’s telling me He is erasing everything that I’ve been struggling with. That I no longer have to worry about those things anymore. He’s removing it all and healing me of these thoughts! That Sunday I was born again. I now have THREE birthdays! The day I came into this world, the day I gave my life to Christ, and the day He healed me of those thoughts. I am made new AGAIN! How amazing is that?! So yes, I was a patient at a mental hospital. Yes, I was struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. Yes, I sought help, and God blessed me greatly in the process! Yes, needing help for your mental health is NORMAL. Let’s talk about it. Much love and God bless, -X
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorVerse of the DayArchives
July 2019
|