Happy Wonderful Wednesday again everybody!
This week I am thankful for all that God has done. He is so wonderful by placing so many loving and amazing people in my life. I used to be a very pessimistic person but with so much love surrounding me it's hard not to be optimistic! Today, I am also thankful for the personal and spiritual growth God has had me go through. For those who know me, I hold the ever so stereotypical "Italian stubbornness" trait and like to be in control. These are just two of my flaws and weaknesses that God is currently using to bring me closer to Him. I am learning to "let go and let God" and to not be as pushy as my human nature wants me to be. As much as I want to sometimes, I cannot control everything. However, I am learning that when I stop obsessing over the details and give it to God instead, I am more likely to get a better result. That is, because it is in His control, not mine, therefore in His perfect will and timing. Praise God for His little reminders and life lessons! What is something you are thankful for this Wonderful Wednesday? Share something today that reminds you how Wonderful God is!
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I was talking to someone the other day and they mentioned that the subjects I bring up in my blog, such as, self-harm, depression, and suicide, are not often talked about so openly. As this person was saying this, I realized they were right.
When I was suffering with these things in high school I felt like nobody understood what I was going through. I was too scared to call hotlines in fear that my parents would find out and I could not for the life of me find anywhere online that I could chat online or through text for help. I eventually found To Write Love On Her Arms, which helped a lot because it showed me that I was not alone. Other than that, that was all I could find. I started sharing my past experiences with self-harm, depression, and suicidal thoughts because I never wanted anyone else to feel so ashamed about how they felt or what they were going through that they never got the help they needed. My point is, I wish it was not so uncommon to talk openly about it. The more it is talked about, the more awareness there would be. If there was more awareness there would be less stigma would be placed on mental disorders. And more importantly, more people would reach out for help sooner, if at all. The more we accept our imperfections the less power they have over our future. No one should ever be embarrassed to ask for help. Asking for help allows us to grow, learn, and move forward in the world. I had to learn that the hard way, but I'm not ashamed anymore. I had struggles and I still struggle today, and thats ok. Everybody has flaws. God doesn't wait until you've overcome those to love you. He made you knowing what your future would hold and according to His purpose. Even our flaws and weaknesses are a part of His plan for our lives. So if you're struggling today, ask for help. Show the world that its ok to be human. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Do not let what you're going through define who you are or make you feel less than. That is entirely false. The truth is, it's empowering not only to yourself, but all those struggling, to see someone tell their story and be bold enough to ask for help. You never know who your story may inspire!. Lastly, remember God does not make mistakes and through Him all things are possible. "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made" -Psalm 139:14 "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." -2 Corinthians 12:9-10 Much love and God bless, -X If anyone needs to talk or vent feel free to reach out to me by clicking the button below. Unless you sign your name or provide any contact info you will remain completely ANONYMOUS! <3
Hello everyone! I am sorry I missed the past two Wednesday's as I have been catching up with school work in order to be out of town last weekend. Which brings me to my Wonderful Wednesday/Thankful Thursday post...
I was so blessed over the weekend! I was able to go to conference with my dad and Bro. Jordan. It is always so amazing to all come together at a conference and just praise God and be together for an entire weekend. I was able to visit with family that I haven't seen in so long and meet people I've only ever got to talk with online. It was so uplifting and inspiring to be there. I also love how April conference is always around the same time as my spiritual birthday (April 7th) because its like the greatest "birthday party" I could ever ask for. My cup overflows with love for my brothers and sisters in Christ. I was beyond blessed that weekend. I do ask that if you are reading this you keep me in your prayers. I have had such a strong desire to do more for The Lord for about a year or so now. I am searching what my work for Him may be. I do not want to force something that is not meant to be or rush something that I am not ready for. I am just really praying that God will be able to use me. I realize this may not be an immediate result but I know God's timing is perfect so whenever God opens the door for me I will be thankful for the opportunity to serve Him. What is something you can share for Wonderful Wednesday, or in this case, Thankful Thursday? Leave a comment and share something you are thankful for! Much love and God bless! -X I remember when the depression hit. I remember not being able to cry for over a year because of how numb I was. I remember the insomnia and how 3 hours sleep was a good nights sleep.
I remember the addiction. I remember the moment it happened in a bathroom stall at school and then going back to freshman math like everything was normal. I remember spending hours on the bathroom floor experimenting with sharp objects. I remember being creative with hiding places and "upgrading" when one technique wasn't enough anymore. I remember sweaters, lots of sweaters. I remember being terrified when I thought I went too far; and being slightly disappointed when I realized I didn't. I remember googling for how and where to go too far. I remember how the scars felt good and how they cloaked themselves as a form of survival when in reality it was a slow, enticing death. I remember the summer when the thoughts became stronger and the voices took residence in my head. I remember the night the voices were the loudest and I couldn't drown out the noise of their taunts. I remember being so terrified of my own brain that I didn't know what scared me more, to die or to keep on living. I remember my brain lying to me saying that it would be a burden lifted on my family if I took my life and that God WANTED me to do this because it was my time to go. I remember planning on summer 2011 most likely being my last. I also remember the night my life changed forever. The night where I turned to a brother in Christ for help. The night I poured my heart out to God to save me from myself. I remember what my first "go to church song" was (91 in the SOZ). I remember the moment I canceled my plans and felt hope for the first time in nearly four years. I remember the exact day I realized baptism isn't "out of the cards" after all. I remember promising to not harm myself anymore and fighting that urge every single day. I remember having to retrain my thoughts and rewire my brain to live a completely different life and thought process. I remember praising God every day that went by that I didn't hear the voices. I remember reaching the one year mark of my promise and how amazing that felt. I remember crying to The Lord several nights because I wanted to be baptized, but I wanted to do it for the right reasons. I remember feeling so defeated when my friends were called but I wasn't. And I remember feeling so uplifted when I asked and so thankful that it wasn't winter! I remember after I asked tongues being spoken and translated to "a calling that is true, saith the Lord, a calling that is true!" & finally feeling at peace knowing everything would be ok. I remember the two weeks leading up to my baptism being a nightmare and the opposition pulling out "the big guns". I remember nightmares, fights, broken friendships, buckets of tears, and desperate attempts to real me back in. And I remember the big day, that even then was satan working overtime until the very last moment when my head hit the water. In that moment, the slate was clean and my new life began. And now I have hit two, three, almost four years clean of self-harm. Now, when those voices knock trying to enter back into my life I know how to shut them down. Now, I turn to God because HE is my survival. I thank God everyday for every one of these memories. For if it weren't for my past I would not be the person I am today. Out of all the scars I created on my body only one remains: the one where I thought I went to far. I am even thankful for that! Every time I see the scar it is a constant reminder of how God saved my life. Without every single memory of my past, I would not have such strong faith and trust in God. Everything happens for a reason because God is the author of our stories. Two years ago today I was baptized. I pray that I will never forget these memories and all that God does for me. Thank you God, for everything. <3 -X Click the picture below if you would like to read my full testimony.
Welcome to another Wonderful Wednesday! God's blessings in our lives is not something to joke about! So take a break from all the pranks this April Fool's Day and remember all the wonderful things God has done for you! Bring a smile to everyone's face and share your blessing in a comment!
My Wonderful Wednesday post for this week is that, as my previous blog post stated, I went to see Cinderella with this girls of the family last weekend. It was such a blessing to just be able to go out and have a girls day and spent some quality time together. Also, just to brag how amazing God is, I was in a crunch how I was going to pay for a few things I needed for my college classes coming up and that same day I received a stipend check in the mail! It was so amazing! Not only that, but I had some money to spare and decided to be spontaneous for once and manage to find a good deal on some Taylor Swift tickets for my sisters and I! Which is something we never have the chance to do! God is so good! Don't forget to share your blessings as well and have an amazing rest of the week! Much love and God bless, -X |
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July 2019
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