My personality is very much a "go-getter" type. As soon as I realize I want something I create a plan and look at all the possibilities of how to make it happen. I do not apologize for this quality, because I love that part of me. It helps me get stuff done and create fun memories with my friends and family. I'd be lying, however, if I said it didn't get me in trouble sometimes. There are incidences where my strong willed attitude tries to take control and over shadows Gods plan. I tend to lack patience sometimes in waiting on The Lord, which is probably one of my lesser qualities. I blame my Italian genes. But when it comes to relationships and looking to God for my future husband, I've realized that if there was ever a time to let go of control in a situation, it'd be this one.
I cannot manipulate the process of finding "the one". I can't speed up the pace or create the "perfect scenario" in how we'll fall in love. There's really nothing for me to physically do, which is the hardest realization. All there is to do is continue to pray and be patient. By doing these two very important things, God will provide the man that I need at the perfect time, in the perfect way. So the next time I see all the couples at conference or see all the engagements on Facebook, I won't get anxious or sad. But pray. So I'm going to do what I do best, and PUSH. But instead of pushing to make stuff happen, I'm going to Pray Until Something Happens & pray again & again & again Because I deserve better than what I've been allowing myself to have. Only God can provide me with the love story I'm looking for, because He's the one holding the pen. And obviously He's still busy writing my story. So I'll stop interfering and just let Him write. Much love and God bless, -X
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At conference we were all asked to finish the sentence "Jesus is real to me because..." I must admit, I was not thrilled about this assignment. I knew we were going to be asked to share. I knew microphones were going to be involved and people were going to be called on the spot. No one was going to be safe, especially a young person sitting in the front row who just made accidental eye contact with a GMBA officer. Shout out to Bro. Jason! I tried to play it off. Pretend like I didn't notice and look away. I slid down in my seat, tried to look like I was busy...but alas, a microphone suddenly appeared before me. My tricks have failed me and I had to stand and speak in front of everyone. Given, it was a whole 5 seconds, but one of the hardest things for me to do. Honestly, I dread these moments. Yet, I always, so badly, want to be that person. I would love to stand up and share how great God is and how he change my life completely. Sharing my testimony is what I am all about, that's why I have this blog! But speaking words, in front of a large group...I'm having anxiety just thinking about it. I knew he was going to call on me Saturday night. What I didn't know was that I was going to be happy that he did. I don't have the courage quite yet to speak out on my own, I'm not there yet, but tonight I was "forced" to speak out and I survived. I didn't die of humiliation and my heart didn't burst from anxiety. I loved participating. And I loved being able to share openly with my brothers and sister how great our God is. So, my theory is that maybe if I'm forced enough times to share and participate, eventually I won't fear the wandering microphone. I won't have to avoid eye contact with the GMBA officers during a meeting. And I won't have to hold back expressing my love for God.
And maybe I wouldn't be having anxiety right now realizing that I'm basically inviting the GMBA officers to put me on the spot every opportunity they get. Pray for me brothers and sisters 😂 Much love and God bless, -X |
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July 2019
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