Every one of my birthdays, for the past 5 years or so, depression has ruined the celebration. No matter how much I fought it, no matter how great the day actually was, it would always end up being a terrible day.
Not this year. My twenty fourth birthday was amazing! Simple, family gathering. Beautiful weather. Here's the kicker, I was sick the majority of the week and the new meal I had for my birthday ended up disappointing. Plus some future plans fell through. Usually this would cause me to fall into a depressed state, which may sound over dramatic, but that is honestly what would happen. I kept waiting for my heart to drop. I kept waiting to feel utter sadness take over, for my emotions to just spiral out of control. I braced myself for the urge to go into fetal position and wait out the "episode". But these feelings never came. I felt...normal. I actually forgot what a typical birthday felt like. Simplistic. Easy going. Calm. Full of love, laughter, and genuine happiness. I didn't have to put on a performance and pretend to be happy. I was actually happy! I just kept smiling all day because it was a mind blowing realization and relief that I actually had a normal day celebrating my birthday. That's something I was afraid I would never get back. Thank you God for the work You have done in my life this past year! I am so excited for year 24! Before I wrap up this post I just want to apologize for being MIA on my blog. I have been going through a rough patch and I honestly do not know why. Things are truly great right now, just the typical business with work and school. My overall mood, however, I would have to describe as numb. I ask that you pray for me if you are reading this that God may help me move on from this funk I've been having these past months and have another testimony to share with you all and get the blogs back up and rolling. God is truly amazing and through everything I never forget that! In fact, since my birthday I have had the song "Good, Good, Father" stuck in my head, so I'll take that as a good sign that things are looking up! Much love & God bless, -X
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July 2019
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