For years now, I have been very open about my mental health and how The Lord has helped me through my mental illnesses. Depression, anxiety, addiction to cutting, and suicidal thoughts ran my life from the ages of 14-18. The summer after I graduated I planned to make that my final summer…ever. God had other plans.
That summer in 2011 Jesus reached out to me. It wasn’t audible, it wasn’t a vision, or a giant sign in the sky. I know He does those things, but that is not how he talked to me that summer. He tapped lightly on my heart, just enough for my mind to realize I didn’t have to feel so tragic all the time. Just enough for me to say “What do I have to lose? Let me reach out for help one last time.” This time I reached out to the saints, and to God. I was fully prepared to end my life and once I “gave up”, or rather, let go and let God, LITERALLY everything changed. I saw hope where there I thought there was none. I physically felt lighter, as if a burden was actually lifted off of my shoulders. Everything changed. He changed me. It took me until 2013 to finally ask for my baptism, but I did! 5 years ago, on April 7th, I made the decision to be baptized and live my life for Christ. I try to do this, write everything out and relay my testimony, every year around this day. Sometimes it still baffles me how I came to be who I am today from the person I was. But I never want to forget my darkest moments. I CANNOT forget how low I fell, so low that I planned my suicide. I felt so much internally that I became numb. I felt nothing, and that is the worst feeling of them all. Those moments I refuse to forget because it reminds me how God works. How much Jesus truly loves me and never forgot me. When I asked for my baptism the gift of tongues was spoken and translated to “A calling that is true, saith The Lord, a calling that is true!” He called ME! The one who made this whole world, wants me! Isn’t that so awesome to think about!? He touched my heart, worked with me (and still does!!), and called me to the waters. He can do that for anyone…ANYONE! I am just so overjoyed right now and love my Lord, so much! As always, know that I am here if anyone needs someone to talk to. And of course, know that God is ALWAYS there for you as well. Much love and God bless, -X
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AuthorVerse of the DayArchives
July 2019
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