Have you ever felt so much love in your heart that you can’t find the words to describe it? You’re just filled with an insane amount of passion and you have no idea what to do with it or how to use it. This has been my current state for the past few weeks.
I’m obsessed with this feeling and yet so incredibly frustrated because I don’t know how to channel it. What am I supposed to do with this strong desire? What is it that my heart is looking for? I narrowed it down to my two biggest passions in life. Spreading Gods love and working with youth. I felt this many years ago and tried to pursue it, but there was only so much I could do at the time with the situation I was in. I tried to force a few things to happen, because I’m me and like control, but I realized if it was meant to be it wouldn’t need to be forced. So I tried to contain myself and be patient. I started college to get my degree in secondary education (which changed to early childhood education) and continued to be active in my church as much as possible. Fast forward to now. I’m near the very end of getting my degree. I’ve had several jobs working with children. My current job being at an after school program with the Salvation Army Kroc center. And I’m in love! I was super confused at first. What did these feelings mean? What is making me love it so much? It’s Jesus. And youth. It’s literally spreading God’s love to children of all ages! Not just the littles that steal my heart but the big kids and teens too that inspired me to go into teaching in the first place! Lord knows I can’t teach those tweens and teens academics, but I can love and care for them to the moon and back! So again, I’m realizing this, and asking God what in the world does this mean? I’d still love to be a teacher, but this feeling is so great, is this a redirection? Am I supposed to do something else? Or something more? I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know what God is doing in my life currently. All I know is that this feeling is with me 24/7. All I know is that it’s all I can ever think about. It’s all I ever want to talk about. I am filled from my head to my toes with love for Jesus and the youth. And I have no idea what to do with this love. I pour it out as much as I can each day at work and it never feels like it’s enough. I want to do more, but I don’t know how. I want it to be my whole life! How I feel during the after school program is how I want my entire day to feel, not just my evenings. I want my days filled with spreading the love of God and working with children. I don’t know how else to word what I’m feeling. None of what I’ve said feels like it’s enough to explain how deeply and strongly I feel this. I just feel like if I don’t express it or share it somehow, in some way, I feel as if I may explode. Maybe I’m obsessive. Maybe I’m crazy. But if I’m going to be either of those things, I’m thankful that I’m obsessive and crazy for Jesus and His work. Much love and God bless, -X (The Jesus Freak).
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AuthorVerse of the DayArchives
July 2019
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