Four years ago today was the beginning of my conversion. The Lord completely changed my heart and healed my mind. Where negative thoughts of suicide used to reside changed to thoughts of hope and serving God within an instant. The addiction to cut myself several times a day, sometimes an hour, subsided where I was able to quit cold turkey. Four years ago today I was in the process of planning how to take my own life but instead God changed my life completely in a moment. Literally, darkness turned to light. My moods fluctuated all the time from my depression but the difference in how I felt that day was unlike any other. It was like I was living in fog for four years and suddenly the sun came out for the first time. It was like carrying bricks on my back for years everywhere I went and suddenly someone lifted them off of me. I could stand a little straighter, walk a little lighter, see a little clearer. "Was blind but now I see" made sense to me that day because that is exactly what happened. The opposition was blinding me for four years! And he almost got away with it. God, however, had other plans and twisted all that bad into something that would make my faith strong. Make me strong. Make my testimony strong. This day is probably my favorite day. I know my baptism probably should be my favorite day, and it's a very close second if not tied, but this is the day where it all started. This was the day of my conversion. This was the day I discovered The Lord. From the moment I felt the lights come back on in my life I was sold. I was committed. I knew "all this" was something real and worth fighting for. I remember thinking to myself four years ago at VBS "why is everyone so happy all the time, what do they have that I don't?" As I'm writing this I wonder if that was what opened the door for God to start working with me. Instead of The Lord telling me He said "Well, let me show you..." & that was the moment my life truly began. Thank you God! "I'm free, praise The Lord, free at last" Much love & God bless, -X
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Happy Thankful Thursday everyone! I am thankful for so much this week. As I am still reflecting on everything that happened at campout I cannot help but write about how thankful I am for my brothers and sisters in Christ and God's handiwork in my life. I do not know where I would be without the saints of the church. They're my family (literally and spiritually), my best friends, and my mentors. They teach me so much, not just through their words, but through their actions and how they live. They have helped myself as well as my family several times. Most importantly, they are so loving and are quick to share a smile, a hug, or say a prayer for us when in need. My cup is overflowing just writing this and for that I am so thankful. Secondly, I am thankful for God working in my life. Everyone goes through those times where we're unsure if God is even hearing us or we wonder why our lives are sometimes at a stand still. Other times life starts to pick up the pace and it is so clear that God has something planned. We start to wonder why we were ever worried in the first place because of course God has it all under control. I am so thankful for those times of clarity and how He continues to work with me even when I'm an impatient, controlling, worry wort :). I'm sure many of you have a lot to be thankful for today as well! Why not share those blessings in a comment!? Much love and God bless, -X
Today for Tuesday Tunes I really wanted to cover one of my favorite songs at the moment which is Amazing Grace (my chains are gone) by Chris Tomlin. I covered this song a few years ago but have since deleted it because I wanted to redo it. Then I heard this song at camp so now I'm finally singing it again lol! "Amazing Grace (my chains are gone)" is such a beautiful song. I totally messed up but oh well. Here it is!
Amazing Grace (my chains are gone) Hello everyone! I am back from camp and I have to say I was so extremely blessed to be able to go! The theme was "Free" and since camp I feel such a burden lifted. I was not ready for it to end. One of the sermons spoken at camp mentioned how there is no such thing as a coincidence with God, instead there are only God-incidences. Just in preparing for camp I found that to be true but even in the small things, the everyday things, God is taking care of those too. -I needed someone to talk to at camp. Just as I was about to give up and walk away someone comes down the hall and it was the perfect timing. God-incidence! -I needed prayer at camp to help me with a certain situation but wasn't sure who to turn to. I remembered I saw my seminar teachers walk to the convocation center but I couldn't find them. I thought I would go check out my classroom one last time. There they were! God-incidence! These are little things! Many times we look at situations like this and call it luck or good timing...but it's God. The right place at the right time is never a coincidence, it's God's hand moving in our lives. There is nothing too small or too big for God to work with. Is that not amazing to think about? God is so good! When I look back at my week the first thing I think of is "My chains are gone I've been set free". I may not be 100% free but I am not a prisoner anymore either. I am one step closer to that freedom that I am searching for. Going to camp was taking that step. Talking to new people was taking that step. Facing fears and being myself is continuing to take that step. Each step we make is another chain gone and each day is an opportunity to break free of the bondage that life brings our way. I know if I continue to turn to God and take advantage of the opportunities and God-incidences He brings my way He will continue to work with me and help set me free. "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33 Much love and God bless, -X It's officially one week till church campout and the anxiety is starting to kick in (as well as major excitement)! For those of you who follow me on Facebook you also know that I've been going through a lot of pain lately with a stomach illness (SO MUCH PAIN)! Well, Wednesday morning I awoke to a beautiful experience where God reassured me it was all in His hands. I was on the beach and I looked out into the water and saw the waves and notice a rainbow reflecting off of one of the waves. Then I saw Jesus appear and He told me I was doing great and that everything would be ok. His rainbow appearing as His promise. Whether this dream was to comfort me with this pain I've been facing or my anxiety with camp, either way it brings me so much peace. He has once again reminded me that I do not have to worry so much because there is nothing to fear when we put our trust in The Lord. This is a day shy of Thankful Thursday but I think it's safe to say I am extremely thankful for this experience. Much love and God bless! -X |
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July 2019
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